Can Christians Stay Faithful on Reality T.V. Shows?

Being a Christian on the Real World is full of the same challenges in the “real world”.

Shows such as MTV’s Real World and BET’s College Hill put young adults in a co-ed house, sparking sexual tension and inevitable conflict. Usually the cast sleeping arrangements on these two shows consist of 3 to a room one person of the opposite sex. Outside of the house they have to work together on special projects. They very seldom show the cast interacting with other people, unless they bring guests to the house. Roommates, co-workers and even best friends are bound to have a few cat-fights.

It’s extremely hard to avoid temptation and quarrels in a setting like this. Being a member of a sorority, I know first hand, how easy it is for people to start a simple conversation and then have it escalate into a petty argument. I love my sorors dearly, but we are all leaders and sometimes don’t value each other’s opinions as much as our own. When we’re mad, all the sisterhood’s ideals get thrown out the window. If some of those moments were caught on tape, I might be a bit embarrassed by my temper tantrums and ego trippin’. It is often said that women are natural gossip girls when more than one is in a room. True, True, True! I’d like to say that me and my sorors are different, but we are just as human as those reality t.v. show casts. We’ve seen it over and over again with Lauren Conrad and her ex-best friend Heidi Montag on The Hills (MTV).

The Bible tells us that quarrels are never a good thing. In Prov. 17: 14, quarrels are described as a breaching dam and we are encouraged to drop the matter before a dispute breaks out. Simply agree to disagree and move on to the next topic. Proverbs 26:20 says, “Without wood a fire goes out; without gossip a quarrel dies down.”


Who are we to judge Stephen (22 at taping) from Real World: Denver who was caught on camera cheating on his girlfriend (afterwards aired his attendance to a local church), and America’s Next Top Model: Cycle one's Bible flipping contestant, Robin Manning (accused of flashing Mr. Jay off camera, after refusing to pose nude). We all make choices that affect our future and the people that are associated with us. The only difference is that the world has a record of their sins to rewind and playback… forever.

The Bible teaches us to submit to God. James 4:1 says, “What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don't they come from your desires that battle within you?” When we truly desire to be Christ-like we understand that God will not put more on us than we can bear at any point during our life. Meditating this reminds us to hold our tongue. As true Christians we must do as 2 Timothy 2:24 tells us to do, “And the Lord’s servant must not quarrel; instead, he must be kind to everyone, able to teach not resentful. So the writer, presumably Paul, has charged us to lead by example.

We have seen people take extremely just stands for their faith, such as Shannon Stewart (24 at taping), who considers her self to be a devout Christian. Stewart refused to pose nude for a photo shoot on Cycle one of America’s Next Top Model. “Just trying to be Christ-like,” Anna Bradfield said, to defend her right not to pose nude during the first fashion shoot of Cycle two “If I show it [her body] to the whole world, what’s so special when I give it to [my husband]?” she questioned the panel. She was eliminated from the show that week.

So, maybe we need more strong believers to become billboards for the Lord. “Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity. (1 Tim. 4:12)

Are you curious to know what the Bible say about the show producers and people who watch arguments and fights for the sake of entertainment? He who loves a quarrel loves sin; he who builds a high gate invites destruction. (Prov. 17:19) Let God judge them, but try to encourage others to take the same just stand as a faithful Christian.

How Strong Women Pray

“How Strong Women Pray”

Bonnie St. John’s newly released book, How Strong Women Pray should be on your reader’s list. This book pulls very diverse women together through a spiritual connection – their prayer life. 27 ladies from different walks of life share how their strength is magnified by the power of prayer. For these women, turning to God, not only during times of trial but moments of gladness, kept them afloat in a world that places so many obstacles before them.

Their personal stories are inspirational and force the reader to see life through their eyes, if but only for three pages. Take time to read Barbara Bush’s story about raising her son. Those who have serious dislike for our president may look at him through a different lens. Other stories are included from Maya Angelou, Dorothy Height, Susan Taylor, Nadia Comaneci, Johnetta B. Cole and Kathie Lee Gifford.

Why Did I Get Married? - Character Review

A new movie offers advice to strengthen Black families, beginning with marriages.

“84% of African American marriages end in divorce”, according to www.divorceandkids.com in 2001.

Tyler Perry’s new film, Why Did I Get Married tells an interesting story of eight college friends in distress about their marriage. Each of their secrets are revealed at this annual winter week – long marriage retreat, threatening four divorces if they don’t do some major damage control. Tyler Perry is known for writing screenplays/scripts loosely related to Christianity.

Very different from Madea’s Family Reunion and Diary of a Mad Black Woman, his fourth movie was funny, but lacked the overt religious tone that is Perry’s key signature. Though Janet Jackson, Malik Yoba, and Tyler Perry are amongst the lead characters, Jill Scott’s role seemed to be the sole God-fearing character of the bunch.

Sheila (Jill Scott) is the embellished stereotype of what a Christian woman looks like and how she thinks. Shelia is over weight and allows others to verbally abuse her because of her insecurities. Often beating her husband to the punch – line with her own fat jokes, she tells herself her marriage is failing because she’s a “big girl”. I have heard males say that church women can be cute, but are not sexy and usually are plus size women. Ladies, I am sure we have several comebacks for these brothas, but they will have to learn on their own…

Shelia separated herself from her friends to learn a lesson of her own. With the help of a God sent friend who pointed out her natural beauty, Shelia realized that the Lord had not given up on her. She was able to let go of the hurt and anger she felt towards her selfish husband, in return for her own confidence. She let go and let God do his thang! She didn’t really have a choice. Sometimes we are forced to stop “fixing” our situation(s) ourselves.

When we open our eyes and allow God to remove us from our bad situations/bad relationships, know that there is more to gain on his end. Don’t feel as though you have nothing to give without your significant other. Though he may have left you broke, believe that he hasn’t left you broken.

God, Why Did You Make Me A Woman?

Many times I have wondered, as I’m sure most women do, why God made me a woman. Since the beginning of time men have had more power than women. History tells us that we have struggled to get more power over men rather than equality. Eve was created to be Adam’s helper, yet she stepped out of her place when she gave Adam the fruit of the forbidden tree. And his weak leadership skills allowed her to influence him. (Genesis 3)

By being single, for a short time Adam knew what it meant to live in undivided devotion to the Lord. Paul said, “An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord’s affairs – how he can please the Lord. But a married man is concerned about the affairs of the world – how he can please his wife – and his interests are divided.” (1 Corinthians 7:32 & 34) After God gave him a wife, he desired to please Eve. Adam had the experience/knowledge of what it was to be a single man, something Eve didn’t have.

Some women look at men’s relationship with God, as it relates to power, as just more responsibility. Those women tend to be more content with being single than others. These are the women that don’t mind waiting. But, what about the independent woman? The “Go-Getter” in her career who thinks she can transfer that same attitude to her “love” life?

Single Christian women that study the bible know what their role is compared to men, but we are also human and can use a little reminder. I’ve always struggled with waiting. I am a city girl and enjoy the fast pace society that I live in… I believe in fast food drive through windows, self check – out lanes at the grocery store and of course online shopping. Though, it would be very convenient to google Mr. Right, it’s just not gonna happen that way. So, I’ve taken the time to be busy during “the wait”. I’ve been working on me and my relationship with God and others. I’ve learned a lot and I understand that if I were truly ready that God would have blessed me with a husband already. Along with that, God may still be working on him; even Adam had to wait for Eve to be molded by God before he had a wife… The only difference is he was expected to search for her.

God doesn’t expect women to search for their husbands (Prov. 18:22). I must admit that at times that frustrates me to no end… I want to “do something” about my status… (Ironically status is often used interchangeably with power). Independent women see what they want and go after it. That strategy often puts us in powerful positions and makes us advocates for the women’s progression movement. Not exactly a negative thing, but a prudent woman progresses as God allows her to.

In Proverbs 8, wisdom and understanding is described as a woman. “For wisdom is more precious than rubies, and nothing you desire can compare with her. I, wisdom, dwell with prudence; I possess knowledge and discretion… I have understanding and power (Prov. 8: 11, 12 &14). Prov. 8: 17 says, “ I love those who love me, and those who seek me find me.” It takes “the wait” to become those things. The man who finds you at the end of your wait gains wisdom and understanding making him favorable to the Lord… Talk about bringing something to the table!

So, Why did God make me... to be a good thing! (Prov. 18:22)

Husband and Wife: Are We Compatible With God?

Part 1: Lord, What is My Role?
American culture has “progressed” for women, thus making us more independent in nature.

“Daddy’s Little Girl” learns to become so self-reliant that she begins to take on some of the roles of a man. This is often done with good intentions, but the results lead to confusion and our actions take us further away from God’s intended purpose for women.

Today, more women are providing for themselves and their families as the main breadwinner and the primary caretaker, assuming the role of mamma and daddy, husband and wife.

Adam and Eve are the first example of a husband and wife that we have in the Bible. Before Adam was given a wife, he was given a job, working in the Garden of Eden. It was then that God explained to him not to eat of the tree of knowledge of good and evil and explained that he would die.

Now let’s stop for “station identification.” Man was alone, following only God’s instructions. When you were a newborn, having no knowledge of good and evil, your first instinct was to be dependent on your mother/father for everything. When we are single we should be like newborns, like Adam when he was single doing the Lord’s work, dependent on God’s instructions because our Father knows what’s best for our future.

After Adam worked in the Garden and the rules were explained about the forbidden tree, God said, “It is not good for man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” Surprisingly, this is not when he made woman. At this point, God created the animals and brought them to Adam to see what he would name them. “But for Adam no suitable helper was found.” (Gen. 2:20) God knew that Adam would recognize that none of the animals were comparable to him. To come to this realization, he allowed Adam to search for his helper unknowingly amongst creatures that did not have the same kind of relationship with God that he had. Sound familiar? How often do we search for a mate that we want to be a humble servant of God within people that don’t even share a comparable relationship to God?

The Bible doesn’t tell us what the conversation between God and Adam was regarding what took place to create woman, but somehow he understood that God created her for him out of his own flesh. Just as God created Eve for Adam to be his helper, God has created someone specifically designed for you, men. Stop searching for your “Eve” among serpents and lions. Women, allow God to bring you to him. While you are waiting, meditate on Paul’s advice to singles. Concern yourself with the Lord’s affairs. (1 Corn. 7:32) “I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord.” (1 Corn. 7: 35)



Part 2: Conversation With Paul
Understanding how God created men differently from women is much harder to comprehend then why we are created.

Physically and emotionally we are designed differently. Physically, most men are built with more muscles to work and take care of people, places and things. Their natural instinct is a desire to fix problems and situations. Most women, on the other hand, like to analyze and understand problems and situations before we attack them. Emotionally, men seem to be a bit more logical and consistent than women.

Paul recognized a pattern in men of being weak in relation to women. He makes it clear in 1 Corn. 7 what his opinions are and what God’s commandments state for married and single lifestyles. (1 Corn. 7:6) He had very strong ideas about marriage.

When we look at marriage from a historical perspective, we can understand why Paul preferred singleness to marriage. Let’s revisit Adam and Eve where we last left off... God had just brought Eve to Adam and he called her woman. In an analytical conversation with the serpent, Eve gave into temptation and ate of the forbidden tree. After which, Adam put his commitment to Eve before God and consequently lost his job in the Garden of Eden. Paul reminds us in 1 Tim. 2:13 and 14, “For Adam was formed first, then Eve. And Adam was not the one deceived; it was the woman who was deceived and became a sinner.”

“Eve was deceived, while Adam ate the fruit deliberately, author Michelle McKinney Hammond wrote, “He knew the cost of partaking of the fruit, but he also knew the cost of not eating it – separation from Eve. He chose Eve over God at that moment.” (What to Do Until Love Finds You, pg. 179)

Sometimes, for a moment, we allow our fleshly desires and impure thoughts to consume us. Though Paul was writing to the church in Corinth, his letter still pertains to Christians, today. There are questions and problems that arise in our lives due to our cultural environment. Paul’s advice allows us to discern right from wrong and further more what is expedient. God allowed Paul to practice self-control. According to Paul, self-control was his gift from God and he wished we all had it. (1 Corn. 7:7) He wished more people would be married to God, devoting ourselves completely to pleasing God and no man (or woman).

While studying how to strengthen my role as a single Christian woman, I imagine how a conversation would go with Paul, an apostle of Christ Jesus by the will of God. (Ephesians 1: 1) Though I may find Paul to be a bit extreme at times, I understand that his nature as a man was to fix the status (remain single) where situations develop that can lead to sin. But, was not Paul a man, just as Adam was a man? All men (and women) have fallen short of the glory of God. I agree with many of Paul’s perceptions of the single man’s devotion to God, but question some of his tactics. God said it wasn’t good for man to be alone and gave him man’s best friend… Still a feeling inside seeks a piece of them (symbolically their own flesh) is missing, a suitable helper. That same feeling encourages man to pursue women in search for oneness/wholeness. As a woman, my human instinct is to want to understand what is keeping Christians in sin. What is provoking us to sin? Does it begin with our thoughts? I would suggest finding ways to remove those thoughts that stir us to sin as singles and married couples. Know that you will sin if you are married or not married. Ask yourself; will you be stronger with a helper or without one?

Question of the Month

The Devil Wears Prada

Many parents are wrapping up their back-to-school shopping. The most important item that should be on your shopping list can’t even be bought in stores. What is it? Your smile! Cheesy? I know… This entry is directed towards my youth.

Having anxiety about the first day of school? Don’t worrying about what your peers will think about your outfits, or how you do your hair. The Bible tells you what will happen to them, “Do not judge, or you too will be judged.” (Matthew 7: 1) Not having every school supply Walmart sells shouldn’t determine your success, either. Jesus said, “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes?” (Matthew 6: 25)

Believe it or not, every student starts off with an ‘A’. Keeping the grade requires a little work. The Bible says, “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.” (Matthew 7:7) Seek ‘A’s this school year!

There are promises that God has made to every student; to find them you must study the Bible.

What Do I Pray For?

In Sunday worship service this week, the minister taught us the priorities of prayer. He used examples in the Old and New Testament of people who prayed to God. Bro. Sullivan raised the question on whether or not we should pray for material things and he used those examples and the scriptures that work in accordance to the topic to answer the question. We flipped our Bibles to Matt 6:5- 13 where Jesus taught his followers how to pray and 1 Samuel 1- 2 on Hannah’s prayers.

Her story touched me the most. I possibly empathized with her because she is a woman. She asked God for a son (Samuel), only to give him back to God. (1 Samuel 1:28) For her, it was the experience of bearing a child that she desired and her love for God that initiated the idea to see that the child live to do his will. Before Samuel was born, Hannah was, what some would call, depressed. She wasn’t eating and she couldn’t stop crying. Her emotions consumed her even when her own husband tried to comfort her, “Don’t I mean more to you than ten sons?” (1 Samuel 1:8)

Have you ever desired something or someone so much that you become sick with emotions? Single Christian women do you ever grow weary waiting for that God sent man to find you? Want to ever rush God and tell him, “Hurry up and finish molding him for me, because I know I’m ready. I’d be a perfect wife, where is my perfect husband???”

In a bitter prayer, Hannah cried out to God making this vow, “O Lord Almighty, if you will only look upon your servant’s misery and remember me, and not forget your servant but give her a son, then I will give him to the Lord for all the days of his life, and no razor will ever be used on his head.” (1 Samuel 1:11) [Hannah voluntarily vows to do for her son what was required for Samson (read Judges 13:5)].

I recognized that Hannah didn’t barter with God as many people often do. They say things like, “God if you give me a car, I will never lie again.” People say prayers like these out of ignorance. We don’t know what to ask God for in prayer. The Bible says, “But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently. In the same way, the spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God’s will. (Romans 8:25-27).

God understands that we get weak. When we [saints in accordance with God’s will] can’t express what needs to be said in prayer, he searches our heart. God knows what we need before we tell him. (Matt. 6:8) Thus, no need to pray for material things… In fact, he tells us not to worry about our lives because tomorrow is not promised. (Matt. 6:25-34). As long as we have what we need to get through today, that should be enough. We should be content in knowing that by faith God will take care of us tomorrow.

“But Seek ye first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” (Matt. 6:33) I often have to be reminded that as long as I continue to be a servant of God, like Hannah, that “all these things” will be given to me one day as well.

So, in a recent prayer I remembered what Hannah did while she waited for her son. I first acknowledged and thanked God for being so forgiving and powerful enough to make any and all things come into my life. I self-examined my life for sin and asked for forgiveness of those that I have committed knowingly and unknowingly. Then I ask for “all these things”, which comprised, of all the characteristics I wished to have in my future husband. If it be his will for me to be married, I asked for a strong, courageous, humble, patient, understanding Christian leader. Someone that I could be a leader in the Church of Christ with… to attend worship and bible study with, to teach classes and lectures with, to praise and honor God’s name with, to save souls with… I asked God for all of these things.

Then I thought about a friend close of mine who recently attended a Christian singles’ seminar with me. I remembered her tears as she cried over a bad relationship that ended with her being a single mother. I asked God to show her how amazing he is by blessing her with this man. This man that I had just spent a half hour praying for, I wanted God to give to her. Though, I often feel alone as a single Christian woman, God always sends me comfort through Christian friends and scriptures filled with advice for singles by Paul in 1 Corinthians 7. I felt that if God could send her a strong Christian Leader that they could walk faithfully, strengthening each other in that walk, to honor God, saving souls as a team…

I understand that this prayer may have encompassed human language that were not clearly expressing what I meant to say. I am still learning and by reading more so that my prayers can become more of what they should be. Yet and still, it comforts me to know that God knows my intentions were in the right place. And so, by the Spirit interceding, I know that God can answer that prayer for what it should be and his answer will be revealed in due time.

When Memories Expire and Emotions Consume Me, What Do I Hope For?

The Religion Editor for the Call & Post, J. Darwin Hollingsworth wrote an opinion piece entitle “Cleaning and Cry”. Though I think the title doesn’t suit the article, I understood what he was trying to do. I really thought it was something that my blog readers should read (so check that out!) Because it gave me a lot to think and pray about, I feel compelled to continue the dialogue he started in the September 12th’ issue.

I think everyone can relate to feeling alone because our experiences have to be put on hold with people we love... and sometimes those memories just aren't enough to keep a smile on our face... There is no real emotion for the way you feel during that situation. There is no politically correct phrase that has been created to define or describe that feeling, either.

Lately, circumstances have had my spirits a bit low... Many of which wouldn’t have affected me quiet as much if I didn’t have to be away for long extended periods of time from people that know me for who I really am, not shallow misconstrued perceptions. I've been praying and reading my Bible, but sometimes those sad (for lack of a better word) feelings just will not go away...

I asked a Christian friend to pray for me, though I was a bit nervous that my request would spread my negative vibe. Knowing that my friend lives far from family and friends, as I do, I said, “I hope that by asking you to pray for my situation(s) that I haven't dumped any of that on to you... I just know that the prayers of a righteous man is powerful and effective... (James 5:16)”

We all go through something, and sometimes just like memories that make us cry, prayer and scripture reading don’t seem to be a good enough immediate answer… That’s only an illusion! Psalm 34:19 says, "A righteous man may have many troubles, but the LORD delivers him from them all." Our circumstances and rejection from things and people in the world will only bring us back to God, because everything belongs to him. He will welcome his children back with open arms. (Job 41:11, 2 Chronicles 30:9)

Just because we go through times where our emotions consume/control us, it doesn’t mean there is no hope for us. Mark 14:38 says, “Watch ye and pray, lest ye enter into temptation. The spirit truly is ready, but the flesh is weak.” We have to deny ourselves, storing somewhere in the back of our mind that Jesus, the Son of God, died for me and already bore this pain. Know that when you have but no other alternative to keep living through pain, you can hold on to that faith.

Going to another Christian friend for prayer is exactly what God’s children should do. (Acts 12:5) A true friend will remind you when you are weak that, “God, who has called you into fellowship with his Son Jesus Christ our Lord, is faithful.” (1 Corinthians 1:9). That is exactly what my friend did for me. ☺


What Must One Do to Be Saved:
Hear the Gospel (Romans 10:17)
Believe the Gospel (Hebrews 11:6)
Repent of Sins (Acts 2:38)
Confess Christ (Matthew 10:32-33)
Be Baptized (Mark 16:15-16)
and The Lord adds you to the church (Acts 2:47)

What Daddies Teach Their Little Girls

Good Dad’s have a way of convincing their little girls that they are worth more than anything money can buy. Is it that kind of thinking that keeps many women unwed?

As a little girl, one of my favorite movies was “A Little Princess”. There is this scene which portrays this once rich White student turned orphan, Sarah Crewe talking to the poor Black orphan and school scullery maid, Becky about her magical life as a princess in India. Sarah made it clear that all girls are princess in their fathers’ eyes.

There were several aspects of this movie that I could relate to at their age. Though, I am not an orphan, I was adopted by my father at the age of two. He and my mother married when I was one. Together, I am their youngest of four children. So, I share a special connection to both of my parents, but I am definitely known for being “Daddy’s little girl”. I would follow him around the house asking him a million questions. Usually followed up with the overly inquisitive phrase, “Why, Daddy?” When he wasn’t home, I would play in his house shoes and sleep on his side of the bed to keep my mommy safe. He’s my superhero that has made a promise to always protect me from the bad guys. He made it his job to teach me how to watch my own back should he not be present to save the day. From him, I learned the importance of being “an independent woman”. He’s never stopped teaching me my self-worth. Somehow, that same self-worth turned into self-pride. Through books and music I unknowingly allowed what seemed like positive messages to serve as temporary upliftment for the purpose of justify my imperfection.

We hear songs on the radio by singers like Beyoncé known as “Ladies’ Anthems”. Women get their heads pumped up by listening to “Upgrade U” (a song that implies that the man needs to change) and “Irreplaceable” (explains in detail when, why, and how the man can be replaced with another man). A woman should be sensitive to the feelings of others and their situations, not arrogant or selfish. Women use lines like, “U must not know ‘bout me” and roll their necks so hard believing that they are above the male species. These are the women that have a hard time keeping friends, let alone a relationship. They sweat the small stuff and have a cow if someone steps outside their realm of perfection. I don’t believe in letting go of my morals or lowering my standards, but when I feel they are being jeopardized I can ask God to help me explain that in away that will not offend or provoke an argument. My goal to have a healthy relationship/friendship should always over-ride my wants for immediate gratification.

The confidence my dad gave me amplified by the lyrics from the ladies’ anthems were enough to set me on my high horse… and keep me there until I came across this quote. “If you have to demand admiration, respect, or even love, you haven’t done the work to earn it”, author Michelle McKinney Hammond states in her recent book, How to Make Love Work: The Guide to Getting it, Keeping it, and Fixing What’s Broken. Hammond’s Christian perspective on building friendships and lasting relationships helped me to realize I haven’t done all I can to be a friend. Hammond’s book sent me to Philippians 2:3-8.

“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus.” - Philippians 2:3-5 NIV

I knew then what to ask God for in prayer. I want to be humble, show kindness and be more understanding when people don’t meet my sometimes, unrealistic expectations.

When I was daddy’s little girl, I needed to be empowered, but as a young Christian woman I need to work on humility and it’s ability to empower me. I won’t lose my assertive confidence nor will I subject myself to physical or mental abuse, but I am aiming to be more Christ-like without playing God. Who am I to judge people for the everyday choices they make? They may affect me, and so my job is to react to those decision in the way that honors God. In order for me to serve in the capacity that a single Christian woman should, I need to be understanding. I need to be patient enough to let people make the right choices on their own or learn from their mistakes without passing judgment. Daddy’s little girl isn’t all grown up, but she is definitely growing in spirit!



“Be diligent in these matters; give yourself wholly to them, so that everyone may see your progress. Watch your life and doctrine closely. Preserve in them, because if you do, you will save both yourself and your hearers.” - 1 Timothy 4:15 – 16

*Writing about my journey as a young, single, Christian woman allows me to self-evaluate my path to righteousness.

Faithful Friends Forgive and Forget

Having friends is like writing a book… Your friends will never truly forgive you for your past imperfections. You can edit a book several times before you publish it, but after it goes to print, the content nor the grammar can be changed. The author is then responsible for the concepts provided within that project. What happens after that writer finishes the book, has a few more epiphanies and learns/believes that the opinion of the original concept is no longer valid. Does the writer write another book? How can an author ensure that the readers from the previous project understand that through the individual’s experiences those concepts have changed? Everyone has made bad decisions in their past. Some of us have even come to realize that we need to change our lifestyles in order to produce the results we really want.

I realized after a recent conversation, that when your friends recognize a pattern of mistakes that you have made, they aren’t as likely to let you forget about them. I called up my sorority sister one day and told her about how close my relationship with Christ has gotten. I told her whenever I feel lonely, I can read my Bible and he always seems to let me flip to a scripture that raises my spirits. I explained to her the importance of 2 Timothy 2:22 in my life. “Flee the evil desires of youth, and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart.” From reading my Bible, I have learned what to pray for. Those prayers have become more personal and God has opened up more doors for my career and friendships. I told her that I had begun having frequent chats with an interesting man from the church. Then she interrupted me to say, “Ambi, you know how ‘froggy’ you can get… You know you are supposed to be married to someone and somehow you end up with these devils disguised as angels. Take your time.” Of course, I responded with an, “I know!” If she were listening to the first half of our conversation she would have recognized how this situation was different. My focus was clearly on friendships and how one had developed through my connection with God.

When God provides me with an opportunity to pursue love with someone who loves him and is actively seeking to serve him, then I will know because it comes through conversations with first God, and then the man. Conversations, like the ones with my soror, are meant to test my faith. Writing about my journey as a young, single, Christian woman allows me to self-evaluate my path to righteousness. I believe that 2 Timothy 2:22 is connected to 1 Timothy 4:15 – 16, “Be diligent in these matters; give yourself wholly to them, so that everyone may see your progress. Watch your life and doctrine closely. Preserve in them, because if you do, you will save both yourself and your hearers.”

That is why I have been inspired to write about my journey as a young, single, Christian woman. God, who is my true friend, understands that I am not perfect, yet he supports me as I strive to be as Christ-like as humanly possible. I have found myself in a pattern of doing wrong and asking God to forgive me many times before. I know most of my friends and even close family members would be too prideful to accept my apology for a reoccurring fault against them. Only God has been that forgiving towards me. For that, I owe it to him to give that same service to my friends, family, and even people that I may consider to be enemies. When the time of judgment comes, I want my good to outweigh my bad and the slate wiped clean.

My Open Letter to You

I was talking to an old friend and I don’t think he understood what I was trying to tell him. He was once my best friend, and I consider him to be my first love. We both grew up in the church together and were inseparable. We met at a National Youth Conference for church and the next year he asked me to be his date for the National Youth Conference Pageant where he gave me my first kiss during a classical music performance… It was one of those magical moments that you never want to forget. A time that we both go back to and wonder, if he hadn’t moved, how different our lives may have turned out.

Since he moved down South, I’ve noticed not only how he’s perfected the deep Southern accent, but that we’ve grown a part and he’d stopped attending church regularly. So, in my recent conversation, I shouldn’t have been quite so surprised that he wasn’t completely receptive to my Biblical references and acknowledgment of God’s works in my life.

I was trying to explain to him the seriousness of living my life as a single Christian woman. As a single Christian woman, I understand that I am able to serve others in a much different/larger capacity than when I get married. I will have more time to focus on my personal growth (especially in Christ) and I will have no obligations to any one person. Once I am married, I am to serve my husband. For example, if I’m married, the amount of time I spend try to convert a male could be easily misconstrued by my husband as spend to much personal time with him… Let’s just say it places me in a compromising situation and give way to behavior that may not be expedient for a wife… Singleness gives way to a certain freedom… When I forget how much of a gift singleness is I get an overwhelming feeling of loneliness…

A lot of times I feel as though I’m forgotten or over looked by my sorors, friends and sometimes even my closest cousins and none of my relationships have turned out the way I’d hoped they would. It hurts the most to constantly evaluate these people and their capability to give me what I need as a friend… I am then ashamed that I have forgotten that even when I feel alone, God is holding my hand and is my closest friend. I am eventually reminded that I need more time to build/strengthen my friendship with Christ before I can allow someone else to enter my heart.

In my own immaturity, I have held expectations for you to behave a specific way based on my image of who you are, what I think I mean to you, and a naive belief that this status won’t change… Unknowingly, I was infatuated with you, not because of who I was with you, but who I imagined myself to be in the future with you… because of who you are… and who I envisioned you to become with me.

Which brings me to the point of why I am ready to whole-heartedly practice 2 Timothy 2:22 in my life now… I am ready to set a side youthful ways/thoughts and pursue righteousness (not riding the fence/being a luke-warm Christian), faith (fully relying on God when things seem impossible/trusting God will provide me w/ a job/funds/etc.), and love (friendship/marriage/kids) with those who love the Lord. Through my experiences with you and you, God has allowed me to understand all of these things.

Like the best friend that he is, he can always keep it real with me… Thank you for your blessings an unwavering/unconditional love. You truly are my closest friend! Though I cannot see or touch you, your voice is getting stronger each day.



“Be diligent in these matters; give yourself wholly to them, so that everyone may see your progress. Watch your life and doctrine closely. Preserve in them, because if you do, you will save both yourself and your hearers.” - 1 Timothy 4:15 – 16

*Writing about my journey as a young, single, Christian woman allows me to self-evaluate my path to righteousness.