I was talking to an old friend and I don’t think he understood what I was trying to tell him. He was once my best friend, and I consider him to be my first love. We both grew up in the church together and were inseparable. We met at a National Youth Conference for church and the next year he asked me to be his date for the National Youth Conference Pageant where he gave me my first kiss during a classical music performance… It was one of those magical moments that you never want to forget. A time that we both go back to and wonder, if he hadn’t moved, how different our lives may have turned out.
Since he moved down South, I’ve noticed not only how he’s perfected the deep Southern accent, but that we’ve grown a part and he’d stopped attending church regularly. So, in my recent conversation, I shouldn’t have been quite so surprised that he wasn’t completely receptive to my Biblical references and acknowledgment of God’s works in my life.
I was trying to explain to him the seriousness of living my life as a single Christian woman. As a single Christian woman, I understand that I am able to serve others in a much different/larger capacity than when I get married. I will have more time to focus on my personal growth (especially in Christ) and I will have no obligations to any one person. Once I am married, I am to serve my husband. For example, if I’m married, the amount of time I spend try to convert a male could be easily misconstrued by my husband as spend to much personal time with him… Let’s just say it places me in a compromising situation and give way to behavior that may not be expedient for a wife… Singleness gives way to a certain freedom… When I forget how much of a gift singleness is I get an overwhelming feeling of loneliness…
A lot of times I feel as though I’m forgotten or over looked by my sorors, friends and sometimes even my closest cousins and none of my relationships have turned out the way I’d hoped they would. It hurts the most to constantly evaluate these people and their capability to give me what I need as a friend… I am then ashamed that I have forgotten that even when I feel alone, God is holding my hand and is my closest friend. I am eventually reminded that I need more time to build/strengthen my friendship with Christ before I can allow someone else to enter my heart.
In my own immaturity, I have held expectations for you to behave a specific way based on my image of who you are, what I think I mean to you, and a naive belief that this status won’t change… Unknowingly, I was infatuated with you, not because of who I was with you, but who I imagined myself to be in the future with you… because of who you are… and who I envisioned you to become with me.
Which brings me to the point of why I am ready to whole-heartedly practice 2 Timothy 2:22 in my life now… I am ready to set a side youthful ways/thoughts and pursue righteousness (not riding the fence/being a luke-warm Christian), faith (fully relying on God when things seem impossible/trusting God will provide me w/ a job/funds/etc.), and love (friendship/marriage/kids) with those who love the Lord. Through my experiences with you and you, God has allowed me to understand all of these things.
Like the best friend that he is, he can always keep it real with me… Thank you for your blessings an unwavering/unconditional love. You truly are my closest friend! Though I cannot see or touch you, your voice is getting stronger each day.
“Be diligent in these matters; give yourself wholly to them, so that everyone may see your progress. Watch your life and doctrine closely. Preserve in them, because if you do, you will save both yourself and your hearers.” - 1 Timothy 4:15 – 16
*Writing about my journey as a young, single, Christian woman allows me to self-evaluate my path to righteousness.
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